Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard
by Nutta Mental
Summary: Humor is a fav. No? Well, take around 8 school chicks LoTR n pieces of paper n u get humor deluxe. A bit tipsy 1day, Elrond decides 2 throw a party.
1. The Cupboard Is Created

This is a very imaginative story written by my friends. Its full of humour, problems and DRUNK ELVES!!!!!!!!! What more could you want? 

Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal.  

Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard

-=-=-=-=-=-The Cupboard's Created-=-=-=-=-=-

One day Elrond was particularly bored. So he walked into Arwen's room. He looked around, up, down, left, right, cupboard! Elrond had always been fascinated by cupboards. He carefully opened the doors. Arwen had lots of pretty dresses. He looked at them. Red, green, blue, yellow, orange, aqua, PURPLE! Elrond's favorite colour was purple. He held the dress in front of him and looked in Arwen's mirror. He smiled happily, taking a few gulps from his hip flask. He began to sing:

"I feel pretty! Oh, so pretty! I feel pretty, and witty and bright!" 

After half an hour he had a dance routine going and his hip flask was empty. He heard a noise. Looking around he saw Gollum… no 3 Gollums. 

"I know!" he shouted, "I'll have a SLUMBER PARTY!"

He ran into his room and refilled his hip flask. "Ohhhhhh….. Athelas!" he had some of that too. In his state of drunken highness 3 fairies appeared. The Athelas Fairy, the Scone Fairy and the Pipeweed Fairy. They told him about the prophecy they read in Artimis Fowl and one about a cupboard. He went into his study to find his purple writing paper. 

Who to invite… that was the question! He thought. The Fellowship, yes. And Galadriel and Celebrain and Celeborn and Sauron and Sauruman and Tom Bombadil and Goldberry and ME!!!! He set out writing the invites.

After writing the invites he strolled down to the local shops to post them and buy some party stuff. When he got back to Rivendell he saw a cupboard. Just then he noticed Celebrain seductively wink at him. 

"I christen you," he said to the cupboard. "Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard." He then hired an interior decorator and instructed him. 

"Purple shaggy carpet, leopard skin rugs, bushes, fire place, bathroom complete with spa and strawberry bubbles, a piano, couches, a REALLY big bed, a fridge with lots of delicious food, chocolate body sauce, a bottle of baby oil and some of those little gummy bears." He fell to sleep on the spot, the floor suddenly looking very comfortable. Gollum was still lurking around in the background like creepy little things do and stumbled upon some athelas. 


	2. The Delivering Of Letters

Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal.  

**Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard**

-=-=-=-=-=-The Delivering of Letters-=-=-=-=-=-

Being drunk and high Elrond didn't realize the postmen couldn't understand where to post the letters if the only thing on the envelope is something like: "Grandope" or "Sour-on". Luckily, the 3 Holy fairies of High had the wits to notice this and posted the letters themselves.

Pipeweed Fairy *reaches into box and pulls out a handful of letters of which five are purple, shoves the others back into the box * "I've got 'Borameer', 'Legolam', 'Alagon', 'Galadree-L' and 'Kelabong'." Scone Fairy and Athelas do the same. 

"I've got 'Meriadook', 'Perigoop', 'Freddo' and 'Samdunb'?" Scone said. 

"Sheesh, he must have been drunk!" Pipeweed exclaimed. 

Athelas sighed. "I suppose I get stuck with all the unpopular people. 'Tom Bumbadonk', 'Goldpotty', 'Gimleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee', 'Sour-on', 'Sour-man', 'Grandope' and 'Treebum'." 

"OK!" Scone said a little too enthusiastically. "Let's get these letters posted!" 

"And I'll hire some random 'entertainment'." Athelas smirked evilly. 

"Please, don't do anything too drastic." Pipeweed tried to reason.

"Ok," Athelas said innocently. 

All three Fairies yelled "AWAY!" so quickly that neither Pipeweed nor Scone saw Athelas's fingers crossed behind her back. 

****

The Pipeweed Fairy landed graceful in Mirkwood to find the wood land king, Thranduil, a little tipsy, ok VERY Tipsy, pissed Legolas was hanging his head in shame, but the guest of honor, Aragorn, seemed to be enjoying the show. 

"Oh my god!" Said Pipeweed in disgust. "Blondie," she said to Legolas. "For the first and last time in your pitiful little life I pity you." She took a deep breath and yelled (or screeched knowing her voice): "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" like the good little doggies they were they all shut up. "Ok," Pipeweed continued a bit quieter. "I'm looking for a 'Legolam'…." 

* Crickets heard in background, then the sound of bug spray being sprayed, no more cricket…. * 

"Umm…." Pipe-girl continued pathetically. "Legolas?" 

* Legolas jumps up and down waving arms * "Oh, oh that's me!" 

Pipeweed threw him the purple envelope. "And an 'Alagon'…." 

Aragorn, "Uhhh…. I think that's me!" moments later he was opening the letter.

"Cool!" Legolam- err… Legolas and Aragorn exclaimed. "A slumber party!" 

"How come I wasn't invited!?" Thranduil asked. 

"Ever heard of gate crashing?" Pipeweed said helpfully. 

"Alright!"  He said and started muttering under his breath. 

"Gotta go!" said Pipeweed. 

"Bye!" said everyone as she disappeared to- well, if I knew we she was going I'd tell you but I don't so :P! 

****

Oh I found her! She's err… well she right there! 

"Dammit," she muttered under her breath. "Boromir's dead. Time for some magic!" 

Now, if this were a normal fic the Pipeweed fairy would have a wand or staff or something but since this thing is totally and utterly mental my friend here had decided to be more 'original'. Is everyone ready for it? 

Ginyu x Sailor Moon x the 'Great' Saiyaman moves. "WHOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEE Boromir get your dead arse down here!" * Boromir magically appears. * "Here," said Pipeweed handing him the purple envelope. 

"Thanks," said Boromir, still getting orientated. 

"Bye!" * Pipe-idiot leaves. *

****

The Scone Fairy appeared in a bag end where Sam, Merry and Pippin are having a guys night (so naturally Frodo wasn't invited.) 

"So, Sam," Said Pippin, "How does Rosie keep you under control?" 

"What?" Asked Sam. 

"C'mon," Said Merry, "Estella whack me with a wooden spoon if I get outta line." * laugh *

"Yeah," said Pippin, "Diamond had a spatula!" *all Hobbits laugh * 

"Ok," Sam confessed. "Rosie has the * shudders * F.P.O.D." 

"Huh?" Pippin and Merry look at each other confused. 

"The F.P.O.D. The * another shudder * Frying Pan Of Doom." 

"That sounds scary," Said Merry. 

"Trust me it is," Said Sam "We don't use it for fun either!" 

"What do you use for fun then?" Asked the Scone Fairy, not really meaning to interfere. "I mean you have 13 kids." 

"If you really want to know," said Sam. "It involves a leopard skin."

"OOOOHHHH….." said Pippin. "Sounds like fun."

"You wish," Said Sam.

"Well at least I don't have 'dreams'." Said Merry.

"'Dreams'?" said Sam. "What the…"

"You always talk in your sleep when Rosie's away," said Pippin. "'Oh Mr. Frodo!'"

"And your actions," said Merry. "They're so bad I don't wanna talk about it, 

"As fascinating as this conversation is," Scony-babe interrupted. "I did come here for a reason."

"What?" asked the Hobbits. 

"To give you these!" Scony-babe handed them the purple envelopes. "Bye," with that she left. 

****

The Athelas Fairy arrived on a lonely mountain. She took a deep breath. 

"Ok," She said, "I can do this," she held her nose

"Excuse me!" she said. "I'm looking for someone named 'Gimleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'?" 

 "What?" said Everyone. 

"Ummm…. Gimli?" 

Gimli walked towards her and she hands him the invite. 

"BYE!" and she left as quick as she could. 

Ginyu x Sailor Moon x the 'Great' Saiyaman moves. 

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE Sauron get your dead arse….. ummmm….. eye over here…… and you might want to bring a body with you." Sauron appears with the leader of the Ring Wraiths.  

She handed the Wraith the envelope. "Shreik," It said in gratitude. 

She psyched herself up for the Ginyu x Sailor Moon x the 'Great' Saiyaman moves. "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEE Sauruman get your dead arse over here!" Sauruman appeared and Athy handed him the envelope and Sauruman reads the front, "'Sour-man'? Who sent this?" he opened the envelope. "Ah 'L-Rond!" 

"Bye!" She said, "Now, to Tom and Gold botty." And disappeared only to reappeared at Tom's house and knocked on the door. No answer. "Dammit," she says. "No one's home." So she put the envelope under the door. 

****

All fairies arrive at SHFOHHQ (Secret Holy Fairies Of High Head Quarters). "I've posted all the letters except for the one's in the grey havens." They all say together. 

"Well, let's go." Scony-babe said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHWAWAWAWAWAWA BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP Get up to the havens now!" 

Soon they were all at the grey havens. 

"Wait a sec," Pipe-girl said. "Didn't Elrond go to the grey havens?" 

"Yeah," Scony said thoughtfully. "What's he doing in Rivendell?" 

Then they heard Galadriel's voice inside their heads. 

"He left when he found out that they banned Athelas, and of course he took Celebrian with him." 

"What?!" Shouted the Athelas fairy so loud the other's ears were bleeding. "HOW COULD THEY BAN ATHELAS?!" 

Then…. Dun dun dun…. Galadriel appeared. 

"You're forgetting. They're Them. They can defy all laws of physics and basically  
reality itself." 

"Hmph," Athy was grumpy. 

"Take these and give them to people." Scony ordered. "Please don't mind the spelling."

* The Holy Fairies Of High leave the havens * 


	3. The Party Begins

Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal.  

Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard

-=-=-=-=-=-The Party Begins-=-=-=-=-=-

Ding dong! Elrond woke to the sound of his doorbell. He'd completely forgotten about his slumber party and everything else. In one of the larger room Celebrian had set up seventeen mattresses. She presented him with an invitation. 

U R INVITED 2 

MY SULBA PARTEE

LUV FROM L-ROND 

"Uh oh!" Elrond breathed. "I wonder what else I did." Just as he was on the verge of remembering he was distracted by the vision of Celebrian in PJ's. Very small PJ's. 

He looked around to see Legolas in pink boxers, nothing more, talking to Gimli who was wearing red PJ's with hearts. Frodo and Sam were wearing matching blue stripy PJ's and Merry was wearing green ones and Pippin was wearing a florescent orange nightdress.

Ding dong! Gadalf and Sauruman arrived, Gandalf in grey boxers (how boring) and Sauruman in rainbow ones (he became a hippy).

Aragorn and Boromir came skipping in arm-in-arm. Aragorn was wearing stripy flannelette PJ's and Boromir was wearing mauve boxers with 'The Horn Of Gondor' written on then. Galadriel and Celeborn came in. Galadriel wearing a U-S night dress and Celeborn was wearing a leaf. Lastly, Tom and Goldberry arrived in matching yellow PJ's. 

"Just as everyone was happily socializing Arwen walked in. she had no clue about the party what so ever. 

"Dad! What are you doing?" she yelled the room going silent. 

"Sorry sweetie. I forgot to invite you. But you can come anyway." And Arwen stomped off. 

Elrond put on his purple PJ's and goes over to Celeborn. 

"Celeborn! How on Earth do you get to a hip flask behind that leaf?" exclaimed Elrond. "

"Oh, I don't keep it there. I have a special place for it." said Celeborn with a wink. :Do you want me to show you?" 

"NO!" everyone shouted in unison. 

"Fine then, I wont get it out of my sleeping bag." Said Celeborn and wandered off to the drinks table. 

"Ohh…" said everyone. "That's where it is!"

"Of course. Where'd you think it was?" his (?) eye widened. "Oh you dirty, dirty people. Ahhh! My leaf!" shouted Celeborn from under the table, as the three Holy Fairies Of High flew in. the Athelas fairy wore a green nightdress with blue slippers. The Scone fairy wore a cream one with apricot slippers and the Pipeweed fairy wore a brown nightgown with green slippers. 

"Oh no!" the fairies said. "The wind blew his leaf away!" 

"Quick! Get him some pants!" Frodo shrieked like the girl he was. 

"I don't have any pants!" Pippin panicked. 

"I have tights!" said Legolas. "But they're in Mirkwood." 

Everyone: "AWWW!" 

"I have tights!" says random striper. "And I want to take them off." Athy smirked evilly. 

Galadriel and Celeborn: "EWW!" 

Arwen: "Dad! I can't believe you hired a stripper! You're gross." Storms off again. 

Stripper: "My name is PJ's and I'm a slumba party stripper." 

Aragorn and Boromir: "Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!" To each other, start stripping. 

Elrond: "Please! Gentlemen!" 

Merry: "I have some cabbage that could substitute as a leaf!"

Celeborn: "Tankz," 

Galadriel: "Cely, what are you still doing behind the table?" 

Celeborn: "Grunt, grunt. Mumble, mumble."

PJ's: "Excuse me! I was gonna start my act now!"

Everyone: "PISS OFF!"

PJ's: "Well, then if you didn't want me why did you hire me?:

Elrond: "?" 

Legolas: "I feel like dancing! Yeah!" * Enter disco ball *

Gimli: "Karaoke!"

Elrond: "Yeah! We can test the kakraoke machine I got for my birthday!"

Sam: "Me and Mister Frodo are doing 'Mulan Rouge'!"

Merry and Pippin: "We'll have 'Opps I Did It Again'."

Aragon and Boromir: "We bags 'I'm To Sexy For My Shirt'" 

Gandy and Sauruman: "Can we just break dance?" 

Everyone: "Yeah!" 

Legolas: "I'm spinning around!" 

Gimli: "I wanted that one!" 

DING DONG!

Souron and Ring Wraith enter. "Sorry we're late, I had to find my PJ's." 

Elrond: "Don't ever mention PJ's again!" 

"Well, I couldn't find any so I brought my fluffy contact lense instead."

Gandy: "Can we get on with it?" 

Everyone: "YEAH!"

Karaoke begins.

Everyone digs up snazzy, sparkly and very small costumes that they brought while going through on of their 'teenage stages' and where about to put them on when Celeborn asked "Where are Tom and Goldberry?"

"Last time I saw them they were druker than Gandalf at my 200th." Said Sauruman.

"Could we please not bring that up again?" pleaded Gandalf, looking grayer than usual. 

"I remember that!" Celeborn piped in, "The hang over lasted 10 years." 

"Oh yeah," said the Pipeweed Fairy. "Took more than Pipeweed to get him out of depression."

"Bad mental images," said the Scone Fairy, twitching uncontrollably. 

"It wasn't her!" Sauruman covered pitifully, as he started going red. 

"Eeeewwwww!" the Athelas fairy said in disgust. 

"Yeah," said Gimli, "He's older than ya'll." 

"Only by 2 milliseconds," Said Aragorn absentmindedly. 

"And if they were in love," said Boromir, who went suggestively to lean back on Aragorn but fell over because Aragorn had gotten up and started looking for Arwen calling. 

"Arwen, my love, where for art thou!" 

"Too bad I never had a girlfriend," Sauron said sadly.

"Don't worry," Celeborn said sympathetically, "I'm sure you'll find someone." 

"I know who I'm going home to tonight," said Sam happily. 

"Yeah," added Frodo, "Me too."

"Frodo," Pippin said in the 'mental institution ' type voice. "You're single." 

"Exactly," Merry said from over the air vent. "You gotta find yourself a nice little hobbity gal and settle down."  
"Oh, that's what they're for!" said Frodo noticing Merry's dress floating up. "Does that feel good?" 

"Excuse me!" Elrond yelled at the top of his lungs. "You guys are missing something!" 

"What?" said everyone in unison for like the hundredth time in the last two pages. 

"Tom and Goldberry." 

"Oh!" 

"I have a hunch as to where they might be," Said Elrond. 

"We've lost Aragorn too," added Boromir, giving his unmentionables an itch. Legolas's lip curled up in disgust. 

"Jealous, Elf boy?" said the Pipeweed-idiot-from-god-knows-where hinting that Legolas might be missing something. 

"NO!" said Legolas said in defence of his privates. "I just don't do that sort of thing in public."

"Prove it then," said Athy trying to hide her big fat smirk. 

"EWW!" said scony-babe. Then facing Elrond said, "Where do you think they are?" 

"The cupboard!" 

Everyone, minus the Holy Fairies Of High and Celebrian: "What the…" 

"Oh you mean the big purple thing you called the Secret Shagging Cupboard?" ask Celebrian.

"Yes," said Elrond, "I wanted us to be the first to use it!"

"Ely!" said Celebrian. "That so sweet of you!" 

"Thanks Cele-bee." Said Elrond. 

It was Galadriel who interrupted this 'romantic' talk thingy. "Excuse me! I think we should look for Tom and that." 

"Yes," said Celeborn, "And you elves shouldn't be like that in public, strictly speaking we're not supposed to display emotions."

"And yet Galadriel has a pet name for you," said Elrond clutching Celebrian defensively. 

"I have one for her…." Said Celeborn. "Opps, stupid half elves." Elvish swearing heard. 

"Sorry," said Galadriel, "He's such a tight arse." 

"Well," said Gandalf. "We'd better gewt the hobbits off the airvent and start looking." 

"If there's a shagging cupboard involved I think they will not want to be disturbed." Gimli said. 

"Good point," said Sauron. Wraith nods. 

Just then Aragon returned. "I didn't succeed in my quest!" he cried out. 

"What was that?" asked Sauruman. 

"Do find Arwen and do her." 

"What?!" said Sauruman. "To do her in?! To kill her?" 

"No," said Aragon. "Why would I wanna do that," mumbling heard. "You're too old to understand. Sauruman looks offended. 

"Slang," said Boromir sounding depressed. 

"Pipeweed?" PWF offered him. 

"Don't have me pipe," said Boromir close to tears. 

"I'm the Pipeweed Fairy dummy." The fairy replied. "I have spares." So, happily, they started smoking. 

Sauruman and Gandy join in before Aragon and Gimli start smoking too. 

"I smell Pipeweed." Pippin said sniffing the air.

"Me too!" the other three hobbits said excitedly. So four more started smoking. 

"Sniff sniff, whimper," came the pathetic sounds of Sauron. "I can't smoke! I can't inhale Athelas! I can't even eat scones!!! How am I supposed to get high!?!?!?!?!" 

"I'll ring Caitlin." The Pipeweed fairy said. 

"Whose that?" asked Legolas. Confused looks came upon anyone who had at least one drop of elvish blood in them. 

"Someone who is on a permanent high." PWF smirked then burst out in an evil laughter.

"Uh oh…." Says A.F. and S.F. in unison. They have no idea who Caitlin is but when PWF laughs evilly you have to duck and cover… bad things are going to happen. 

Suddenly, an Evil Fiend appears and says: "I'm from PJ's mental institute, I've come to collect her." 

"Thank God!" Everyone says in relief. 

"Your welcome!" Said a mysterious voice. 

"Its god!" some random dude shouted. "Can I have you autograph?" but there was no reply… 

The Evil Fiend and PJ left. 

"Now that everyone is sufficiently high," Said Elrond "We can continue our search for Tom, Goldberry and Arwen." 

Evil Fiend and PJ appear again (PJ in a dog lead crawling around on all fours) 

"Wait for us!" they yell. 


	4. Thus The Search Begins

Disclaimer: Kathryn and my other friend do not own anything. Especially not Kathryn, someone owns every part of her body 'cept her belly button, which you wont even get if you steal.  

**Elrond's Secret Shagging Cupboard**

-=-=-=-=-=-Thus the search begins…-=-=-=-=-=-

After ten minutes of searching Elrond says: "Oh my god! You people don't have eyes do you?" 

Legolas pouted. "I have eyes!!! And they're very beautiful!!!" 

"Shut up you poof!" Elrond yelled at him. "The cupboard is write there!" he pointed to a big door that seemed to glow purple. Everyone ran over to it and Aragorn opened the door. "Arwen what are… Ohh my god!" he screamed. "I thought you loved me."

Arwen kept going and said, "What we both slept with Boromir." At this point all of the males and Hobbits were extremely horny.

"So…. Can I join in?" Aragorn asked. 

"Come her my love bunny." Arwen said as seductively as a high person could. 

Everyone walk into the Cupboard and started to explore it. Elrond brought a Karaoke machine in and started singing 'Without Me' off key and mixed up the words as he went along. 

"Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" yelled Sam. "There's a spa! Mr. Frodo! Can I wash your back Mr. Frodo?" Frodo shuddered (either in anticipation or horror) as Sam pulls off his clothes and put him in the spa. Merry and Boromir start to talk about Sam's weird-ness and soon evewryone in talking about him in hushed voices. 

"I think Sam might be harassing Frodo." Pippin said quietly. 

"Well," Merry suggested. "No one knows what Sam did to him while they were in Mordor." 

"I know what happened." Said Sauron wisely. "I saw it with my own eye. It was horrible."

"What was?"  Pippin asked. 

"I cannot speak of it here, in such a holy place as this."

"Well someone has to stop it!" decided Gandalf. 

"I'll go, I see this kind of stuff all the time in Mirkwood." Said Legolas bravely and he walked proudly off into the spa area. Not even half a minute later there was a splash. Everyone waited and listened. A while later there was a horrible scream and everyone rushed. 

"What's wrong?" Elrond asked then his eyes went wide as he saw all of them in the bath together. 

Tears were running down Legolas' face as he cried: "I used the wrong shampoo. This isn't Herbal Essence!" he put his hands into his once perfect hair and shook his head screaming: "No! NO! NO!!" 

When everyone was quiet and Legolas had finished his sobbing, they heard a noise in the main shag room and they all ran to see the Arwen was singing… or at least trying to. 
    
    "Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep, Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep, But I've made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby Ooh, ooh I'm gonna keep my baby ooh He says that he's going to marry me," she pointed at both Aragorn and Boromir. "And we can raise a little family." 
    
    At this point Elrond had passed out and Sam, Frodo and Legolas come to see what it's all about.
    
    "Ohhh…" Says Frodo stupidly. "She got knocked up twice. Whos tha father?" 
    
    Boromir and Aragorn both yell: "I am!" and start to beat each other up. 
    
    With Arwen found the search for Tom and Goldberry continued. Strange noises could be heard from distant corner of the shagging cupboard. 
    
    "On wards!" Pointed Elrond and the group followed but some we slower than others. "Merry! Pippin!! Will you too stop doing Marilyn Monroe impersonations on the heat vent! You do it on EVERY heat vent we passed and you slowing down the search for Tom and Goldberry!" Legolas complained. 
    
    "We found them!" shouted Gimli.
    
    "RUN!" shouted Elrond. 
    
    "YOU!" shouted PWF
    
    "TOOK!" yelled SF
    
    "OUR!" yelled AF
    
    "DRUGS!" they shouted together.
    
    "Did someone call me?" said Pippin. "Who said Took?" 
    
    "Shut up!" hissed Elrond. 
    
    Tom and Goldberry had infact not been using the cupboard for it original purpose. They had gone though the Fairies bags while they were changing from their traveling outfits to their standard 'out fits' and their 'spares'. The fairies weren't at all pleased about this and put a spell on the two that is said in crap Harry Potter langue: "notis touchis alcoholis sixuis monthis", so that they wouldn't be about to touch alcohol for six months/ 
    
    As the fairies were walking out of the cupboard the Athelas fairy saw a mirror and got caught.
    
    "Don't bother," said the other two fairies as someone went to drag her away from it. "She wont move for ages."
    
    They left and closed the door saying something about a buffet. Just as then there was a noise, Boromir had rang into a wall. "He-hic-ey." He said slowly. "Do some-hic- one spike –hic- the punch?" 
    
    All three fairies and Elrond looked guilty. 
    
    "In the kitchen earlier…" said AF
    
    "No one was looking…" said PWF
    
    "I told the caterer…" said Elrond. 
    
    "Ummm…" said SF. 
    
    "Hey where did Gandalf and Saruman go?" asked a hobbit. 
    
    Elrond put his hands together and looked heavenward. "Please not break dancing…" he randomly prayed. 
    
    "Perhaps they're going to do some party tricks for us?" said a lawn ornament. 
    
    "Just as long as they don't break dance.." said Elrond with a sigh. 
    
    Currently no one was doing much. The fairies were adding substances to the food and sticking signs to peoples back, but this hurt no ones feeling since they were all business cards for the "3 Holy Fairies Of High". 
    
    Elrond was on his knees praying that the wizards wouldn't break dance. This was because his imagination had made him believe that if the started break dancing they would do it in the boxers only. And if the did it in their boxers the elastic that usually keep them on would have too much stress applied to it and would snap causing their boxers to fall down. Under normal circumstances this would be funny…. But if they were break dancing everyone would be blind for weeks.
    
    The Hobbitd were all wearing nightdresses. Pippin had been in on from the beginning, Merry had changed before the search and the heat vent incident and the other two had change since they didn't want to be left out, and from somewhere they had managed to get cowboy hats and were currently line dancing on a table. Arwen was talking to a very bashed up and very drunk Aragorn and Boromir about what the baby/babies should be called. 
    
    "Well it can't be Aragorn or Boromir since I don't like those names…. What are your middle names?" 
    
    "Son of." They both replied. 
    
    "A bitch!" Pippin yelled and all four Hobbits fell off the table in laughter. 
    
    "Never mind we'll finish this later…" Arwen said as pretty lights started flashing and some terrible music started playing. Elrond pray harder. 
    
    "Introdusssssssing, Ssssssaruman and Gandalf, the amazzzzing party wizards, my preciousssssssssssss." Said a voice that sounded a lot like Gollum. 
    
    "Thank you!" shouted Elrond.
    
    "And after we do our tricks we'll breakdance." Said a voice from the corridor. It was Gandalf. 
    
    "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Elrond. 
    
    The magic performance went without too many problems, except for a lawn ornament accusing them of cheating. This ment the wizards had to stop for a while to attach it to the roof with nails. However the sheer weight of its stomach caused him to fall down and into a bowl of punch causing it to become very, very drunk. 
    
    Then the wizards started to break dance. 
    
    "EVERYONE GET DOWN!!!!!!!!" screamed Elrond. 
    
    Eventually after the typer got totally confused with the sudden change with what was happening 
    
    And everyone stayed down for at least half an hour when everyone got bored. 


End file.
